This evening, I'm feeling very optimistic. It's funny, because I wasn't during the day today at all. Regardless, at the moment, I'm pretty confident that everything will be going great soon. Or, well, relatively soon. All of the things I swore I'd accomplish are slowly taking form. This has been both comforting and frightening at the same time.
It's extremely comforting to know that I'm graduating in a matter of months. This was one of my main goals for myself. It was also one of the things many people didn't believe I'd accomplish. It's putting my mind at ease to know that all of my hard work is paying off. I'm really going to graduate with a real diploma and I'm done with high school. It's also really scary though. I never thought my senior year would be like this at all. There were a lot of plans that changed, and I'm constantly battling the thought of what I am not accomplishing.
Along with graduation being near, so is the arrival of Aiden. :) I am getting to the point where I'm huge and miserable most of the time. Not to mention, tying my shoes is getting rather difficult. I am really excited to have him, mostly so that I'm done with pregnancy. I want my body to be MINE. This is also really scary though. While I'm excited to meet Aiden, we don't have things ready. We're still looking for a new house that's big enough, we have to pick up some supplies, I have to finish ALL of my schoolwork, all in two months? I'm scared that he'll come and we won't have everything, which will make those first weeks even crazier!
Another comforting/frightening aspect of my life is college. I've been planning for college since I was six. Granted, that's when I wanted to go to Harvard to be just like Elle Woods, but regardless, the point was college. The fact that I'm finally getting ready for my college education is extremely comforting. It's giving me some sense of normality. In the past two years, everything about me has changed. College is like my constant. It's also extremely scary. I'm not sure where I'm going to be going yet, because it depends on my work situation, as well as childcare. Because of that, I'm not sure what tuition will be. Will I get enough aid to pay? Will I be able to afford what aid doesn't cover? Does it really benefit my kids for me to work and go to school the next four years? -That's my main concern. I know that it will, it's just very hard to justify spending so much time away from them.
Well I should get back to my reading, I just figured I'd take a moment to share the thoughts I've been having lately. :)
You could always look into online college? That's what I'm going to be doing the next 3 years, beings that living in Bellingham away from Kevin and Noah is not an option. It could also give you more time with your boys :)
ReplyDeleteBtw, I really like reading this blog :) Not sure if I've ever said that, but it's cool learning a new perspective. You've got so much going for you! You can do it!