Sometimes I wish life had a fast forward button. Not like the movie Click, I'd want to be in ultimate control, my ideal remote would have no "autopilot". I have a tendency of getting overly stressed in anticipation of things that I have no control over. A lot of these things are happening right now, and I kind of want to skip the anticipation and just get to the part where we're doing everything we need to.
First, Brad and I are moving into a new place! I am meeting with the landlord tomorrow, signing the lease, and getting the keys. The extra room will be so nice, and we definitely need it. Not to mention the washer and dryer, one car garage, and big fenced in back yard. :) OK, so I'm obviously really excited. I'm not excited, however, about all of the stress involved in moving. I have to organize, declutter, pack, move, unpack, detail clean like crazy. It's going to be a crazy two weeks.
Next, I'm only NINE weeks from my due date. This is getting insane. I feel like there are so many things we need to get done, and nine weeks seems like NO time to do it. It's hardly more than two months, and that's if he's born exactly on his due date. I'm just crazy concerned that we won't have everything ready. I know it's crazy, All of Aiden's basic needs will be met. We have clothes, a place for him to sleep, food, etc. I just am getting overwhelmed.
The plus side? I have only four weeks left at work until my maternity leave starts. With my part-time status, that equates to twelve shifts. Once I'm on leave, there will be more time. More time to finish my schoolwork, more time to clean and organize, and most importantly, more time to spend with Christopher! :)
I just want to get to a point where I have both babies and Brad and I all in our nice clean house. I want to be graduated, and on to bigger and better things with my life.
So once again, someone invent a fast forward button, deal? :)
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Mixed Feelings.
This evening, I'm feeling very optimistic. It's funny, because I wasn't during the day today at all. Regardless, at the moment, I'm pretty confident that everything will be going great soon. Or, well, relatively soon. All of the things I swore I'd accomplish are slowly taking form. This has been both comforting and frightening at the same time.
It's extremely comforting to know that I'm graduating in a matter of months. This was one of my main goals for myself. It was also one of the things many people didn't believe I'd accomplish. It's putting my mind at ease to know that all of my hard work is paying off. I'm really going to graduate with a real diploma and I'm done with high school. It's also really scary though. I never thought my senior year would be like this at all. There were a lot of plans that changed, and I'm constantly battling the thought of what I am not accomplishing.
Along with graduation being near, so is the arrival of Aiden. :) I am getting to the point where I'm huge and miserable most of the time. Not to mention, tying my shoes is getting rather difficult. I am really excited to have him, mostly so that I'm done with pregnancy. I want my body to be MINE. This is also really scary though. While I'm excited to meet Aiden, we don't have things ready. We're still looking for a new house that's big enough, we have to pick up some supplies, I have to finish ALL of my schoolwork, all in two months? I'm scared that he'll come and we won't have everything, which will make those first weeks even crazier!
Another comforting/frightening aspect of my life is college. I've been planning for college since I was six. Granted, that's when I wanted to go to Harvard to be just like Elle Woods, but regardless, the point was college. The fact that I'm finally getting ready for my college education is extremely comforting. It's giving me some sense of normality. In the past two years, everything about me has changed. College is like my constant. It's also extremely scary. I'm not sure where I'm going to be going yet, because it depends on my work situation, as well as childcare. Because of that, I'm not sure what tuition will be. Will I get enough aid to pay? Will I be able to afford what aid doesn't cover? Does it really benefit my kids for me to work and go to school the next four years? -That's my main concern. I know that it will, it's just very hard to justify spending so much time away from them.
Well I should get back to my reading, I just figured I'd take a moment to share the thoughts I've been having lately. :)
It's extremely comforting to know that I'm graduating in a matter of months. This was one of my main goals for myself. It was also one of the things many people didn't believe I'd accomplish. It's putting my mind at ease to know that all of my hard work is paying off. I'm really going to graduate with a real diploma and I'm done with high school. It's also really scary though. I never thought my senior year would be like this at all. There were a lot of plans that changed, and I'm constantly battling the thought of what I am not accomplishing.
Along with graduation being near, so is the arrival of Aiden. :) I am getting to the point where I'm huge and miserable most of the time. Not to mention, tying my shoes is getting rather difficult. I am really excited to have him, mostly so that I'm done with pregnancy. I want my body to be MINE. This is also really scary though. While I'm excited to meet Aiden, we don't have things ready. We're still looking for a new house that's big enough, we have to pick up some supplies, I have to finish ALL of my schoolwork, all in two months? I'm scared that he'll come and we won't have everything, which will make those first weeks even crazier!
Another comforting/frightening aspect of my life is college. I've been planning for college since I was six. Granted, that's when I wanted to go to Harvard to be just like Elle Woods, but regardless, the point was college. The fact that I'm finally getting ready for my college education is extremely comforting. It's giving me some sense of normality. In the past two years, everything about me has changed. College is like my constant. It's also extremely scary. I'm not sure where I'm going to be going yet, because it depends on my work situation, as well as childcare. Because of that, I'm not sure what tuition will be. Will I get enough aid to pay? Will I be able to afford what aid doesn't cover? Does it really benefit my kids for me to work and go to school the next four years? -That's my main concern. I know that it will, it's just very hard to justify spending so much time away from them.
Well I should get back to my reading, I just figured I'd take a moment to share the thoughts I've been having lately. :)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
It's been a while. :)
I'm coming to a lot of realizations lately. Granted, I'll probably always be coming to these realizations. The latest, occurred just today, as I sit with Blues Clues playing, absolutely thrilled that Christopher is exploring the exciting world of a laundry because he hasn't felt well lately, and him playing is a good good sign. :) I'm realizing that I love so many aspects of my life. Not going to lie, there's quite a bit I would change, but the things I wouldn't change are outweighing them by quite a bit at the moment. :) This blog is basically about how awesome things are going.
I've been pretty down lately, and I think it'll be nice to focus on the positive. :)
1)Christopher is getting bigger and bigger everyday. His personality is really starting to show. He thinks he's the funniest thing to ever walk the earth, and he's probably right. Since learning "kisses" he wants nothing but, and it's my favorite milestone so far. On days where I want to pull all my hair out, he gives me a "kissie" and everything's all better. :) He's also starting to understand that something's up in Mommie's tummie. Now, I don't think he's connected that it's a new baby, but he calls my tummie "Buh" for "Brother" and he plays with it all the time. :)
2)I'm tackling my housecleaning that I've been "going to do" since we moved here over a year ago. We have nearly all laundry done, and I'm starting on some other big detail tasks too. It feels awesome to come home and have a nice clean house. We're also getting more organized. My calendar is all filled out, the whiteboard underneath has all the things I'm going to forget to tell Brad when we trade the baby in an hour, and all of my schoolwork is planned with my due dates. The real due dates don't work because they have me finishing four weeks after I have Aiden. Which brings me to...
3)I'm not procrastinating my schoolwork!!!! Even when I went to regular schools, procrastination was a huge issue for me. Mostly because I could write an essay the night before it was due, and still make decent grades. It only worsened with the online school I had last year. They were just awful. Saving a huge amount of work for right before the end of a semester is just a habit of mine. However, with baby Aiden coming four weeks before the end of the semester, I can't leave everything for the last minute. I think it's hard to concentrate with Punkin running around, but add a newborn that can't be fed by anyone but me, and it becomes near impossible. I have all of my classes planned so I'll be done with most of them well before Aiden arrives. The "well before" makes it so that if I slip up on some of it, I still have two-three weeks leeway to catch up. The "Most" part is because my accounting class only works if I'm right on track.
4)I only have 16 shifts left at work before my maternity leave! That is, not including the shift that starts in an hour, because, well, who counts the day they're on? LOL. Anyways, I'm only working 3 shifts every week, so I still have 5 weeks left. I am excited to be able to focus on schoolwork, rest, getting everything ready for Aiden, having time with Brad, and getting Punkin on a normal schedule. Right now, scheduling is near impossible with Brad and I having only one night off, plus our shifts aren't consistent. At least with me at home for the month before Aiden, Christopher and I can get into a rhythm. I know it'll be a Godsend when Aiden arrives. :)
5)Did I mention Christopher is feeling better? Lately he's been super clingie, which I know is a normal phase. It just breaks my heart that he wouldn't even play his toys or anything for fear that we were going to leave. Poor little guy. But today he's playing, while it did take quite a bit of coaxing. He also took an hour and a half nap today, and three hours yesterday. Lately he's been fighting naps like the plague, and getting maybe an hour split up throughout the day. This is another thing I hope to combat with the scheduling. :)
6)I am almost done with pregnancy. This is a whole world of good things all in it's own. For the first time in nearly two years, my body will just be mine. (After I heal and start to get skinny again LOL). I can't wait for having energy again, and being able to get off a couch without feeling like death would help too. :)
7)I'm finally finding some school arrangements that look like they'll work out. (I hope). I'm not posting too much detail here, because with college, you never know, and it could go in a completely different direction.
Well thanks for reading my ramblings, but, like I said, I needed to focus on some positives. :)
I've been pretty down lately, and I think it'll be nice to focus on the positive. :)
1)Christopher is getting bigger and bigger everyday. His personality is really starting to show. He thinks he's the funniest thing to ever walk the earth, and he's probably right. Since learning "kisses" he wants nothing but, and it's my favorite milestone so far. On days where I want to pull all my hair out, he gives me a "kissie" and everything's all better. :) He's also starting to understand that something's up in Mommie's tummie. Now, I don't think he's connected that it's a new baby, but he calls my tummie "Buh" for "Brother" and he plays with it all the time. :)
2)I'm tackling my housecleaning that I've been "going to do" since we moved here over a year ago. We have nearly all laundry done, and I'm starting on some other big detail tasks too. It feels awesome to come home and have a nice clean house. We're also getting more organized. My calendar is all filled out, the whiteboard underneath has all the things I'm going to forget to tell Brad when we trade the baby in an hour, and all of my schoolwork is planned with my due dates. The real due dates don't work because they have me finishing four weeks after I have Aiden. Which brings me to...
3)I'm not procrastinating my schoolwork!!!! Even when I went to regular schools, procrastination was a huge issue for me. Mostly because I could write an essay the night before it was due, and still make decent grades. It only worsened with the online school I had last year. They were just awful. Saving a huge amount of work for right before the end of a semester is just a habit of mine. However, with baby Aiden coming four weeks before the end of the semester, I can't leave everything for the last minute. I think it's hard to concentrate with Punkin running around, but add a newborn that can't be fed by anyone but me, and it becomes near impossible. I have all of my classes planned so I'll be done with most of them well before Aiden arrives. The "well before" makes it so that if I slip up on some of it, I still have two-three weeks leeway to catch up. The "Most" part is because my accounting class only works if I'm right on track.
4)I only have 16 shifts left at work before my maternity leave! That is, not including the shift that starts in an hour, because, well, who counts the day they're on? LOL. Anyways, I'm only working 3 shifts every week, so I still have 5 weeks left. I am excited to be able to focus on schoolwork, rest, getting everything ready for Aiden, having time with Brad, and getting Punkin on a normal schedule. Right now, scheduling is near impossible with Brad and I having only one night off, plus our shifts aren't consistent. At least with me at home for the month before Aiden, Christopher and I can get into a rhythm. I know it'll be a Godsend when Aiden arrives. :)
5)Did I mention Christopher is feeling better? Lately he's been super clingie, which I know is a normal phase. It just breaks my heart that he wouldn't even play his toys or anything for fear that we were going to leave. Poor little guy. But today he's playing, while it did take quite a bit of coaxing. He also took an hour and a half nap today, and three hours yesterday. Lately he's been fighting naps like the plague, and getting maybe an hour split up throughout the day. This is another thing I hope to combat with the scheduling. :)
6)I am almost done with pregnancy. This is a whole world of good things all in it's own. For the first time in nearly two years, my body will just be mine. (After I heal and start to get skinny again LOL). I can't wait for having energy again, and being able to get off a couch without feeling like death would help too. :)
7)I'm finally finding some school arrangements that look like they'll work out. (I hope). I'm not posting too much detail here, because with college, you never know, and it could go in a completely different direction.
Well thanks for reading my ramblings, but, like I said, I needed to focus on some positives. :)
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